believe when you allow yourself to be the sexual being God created, you're more comfortable in your own skin. I'm in my forties now and have been celibate for a number of years. I still treat myself with pedicures and bubble baths and silky pajamas—not for anyone else, but for my own enjoyment. I'm a woman with all the range of emotions that entails, and that includes wanting to be thought of as desirable. Why else would we wear makeup, fix our hair, dab on perfume, suffer in high heels. God made us as specific genders so there's nothing to be ashamed of. Vive la différence!
-K.
Appreciation and Respect
God made us to desire sexual expression while at the same time forbidding sex before marriage. Thus he created a strong tension in the lives of singles that's not present among married people. How, then, do we as singles resolve the tension?
I believe the answer is found in the fact that we're fully capable of appreciating the attractiveness of members of the opposite sex without going on to have illicit sex with them. We can thoroughly enjoy people's beauty and personality without seeing them as mere sex objects. Respect is the key concept. As long as we respect others as wonderful human beings and children of God, we can stay within God's prescribed sexual boundaries.
-Colin
Rethinking Femininity
Its so easy to feel like less than a real woman when you're single. But as a woman, I know my femininity isn't limited to how I relate to the opposite sex. While that's definitely one way to define it, here are some other ways I live out my femininity.
1. Speaking softly and tenderly to a hurting child in my family, neighborhood, or church who doesn't have a mother—or who doesn't have a loving one.
2. Caring for a lonely parent who needs the love and attention that only a nurturing daughter can give.
3. Putting my loving arms around senior citizens in my neighborhood or church who feel useless—and reminding them of how special they are.
4. Listening to a friend who needs a female to confide in about something she never could share with her male friends or pastor.
5. Being willing to cry with that person who's grief-stricken or sad and needs to share with someone who understands his or her pain.
6. Crying out to God the way only a wailing woman can when she's interceding for those she loves. (Jeremiah 9:20)
-Chrystal
Wondering Why
This is a touchy and seemingly puzzling issue. I've heard that as singles we should "embrace our sexuality," but I've never quite been able to figure out how or why. It almost seems as though we don't need it for anything since we're not supposed to be sexually active. I don't find anywhere in the Word where is says sexuality is good for anything but having married sex, so I'm always a bit perplexed by this advice.
As a divorced person, I've found myself almost hating the sexual part of myself because of going from sexual freedom within the boundaries of marriage to suddenly having to do without under all circumstances. It's tough. But through my struggles, I've drawn close to God as he's assured me he understands me and my struggle. Admittedly, I'm still not sure why God doesn't just shut off the sexual part of singles. It's a huge "no" in our lives, but there are also many other "yes's."
-Beverly
A Case for Sensuality
I used confuse being sensual with sexuality. Now I believe we can be sensual (without having sex) by enjoying all five senses while in a dating relationship. It happens to me when I swoon over a man's cologne, grin as he holds my hand, enjoy the sight of his smile and the way his face lights up when he sees me, savor food while enjoying a special dinner together, and hear his soothing voice.
-Emily
Gender Roles
I, for one, appreciate a woman who's not afraid to look like a woman instead of trying to hide her femininity. For me, there's a bigger issue here—appropriate gender roles. I've never divided women into "friends" and "potential partners." I make it a point to compliment women on how they're dressed, and almost all of my female friends have received flowers from me at some point. Personally, if a woman won't allow me to "be the man" with her, I won't go out with her one-on-one.
-Rick
Walking in Freedom
Maybe the immodest tendency of today's styles are part of a desire of many women to return to being feminine in a way the Women's Lib movement destroyed. For me, the issue of staying true to my femininity is complicated by working for a Christian ministry. Many of the men are so afraid of being "too familiar" with a woman that we get treated as genderless objects. In my days of working in a secular environment, I never felt that way. Without flirting or coming on to me, the men treated me like a woman, a lady. And I remember enjoying hearing my high heels click across the tiled floor of the post office each morning as I picked up the mail.
Today, with 20 more years and too many pounds gathering, it's more comfortable to wear flats and crocs. One of my goals when I finally get those pounds off is to buy some fun new flirty shoes! Meanwhile, I enjoyed the extra attention from a male waiter the other day as I ate alone in a restaurant. It made my day! I think we need to get rid of the guilt and fear so often associated with the concept of sexuality. God created us as sexual human beings—male and female—and there's freedom in finding a balanced, healthy way to live that out. Even as singles.
-T.
